*Originally posted on my former blog (2009)
I recently wrote a post here about
online support and friends. I think having supportive people around is so
important. I know, personally, there is no way I could be going through this
process alone. The whole ordeal of therapy takes a lot out of a person
emotionally. Friends help provide support and encouragement. They can also be a
great source of distraction and provide opportunities to release tension from
all the stress of facing trauma issues. They can be grounding and help keep you
in the present. They can also boost your self esteem and help you feel
empowerment. Of course this is all considering you have good friends.
I can tell you that I have been down
this road to therapy twice during two different times of my life, and it is
during this trying time that you often find out exactly who your real friends
are. I have learned things about some of my friendships. Sometimes I learned
that my friends care for me a great deal more than I had thought. Sometimes I
learned that they really didn’t. It is sad when relationships fall apart
during these times, but it is helpful to turn attention to the relationships
that gain strength during these times.
I have found that during my process
of healing I really need three kinds of friends. I absolutely need some friends
that also have DID. Dissociative Identity Disorder can be a very isolating
disorder. There aren’t very many ways to see that other people like us exist.
Sure, we know in our heads we aren’t the only ones, but where are they?
Recently there has been more talk of DID in the psychological community and the
amount of available books on the topic has increased since I was first in
therapy in the early ’90’s. Technology has brought us the world wide web that
opens new doors to form relationships, but we are still far off from where I
would like to see things. Just as there are support groups for people who have
been sexually abused, are alcoholics, have eating disorders, have panic,
anxiety, or OCD disorders, I would like to see more outreach in communities for
people with dissociative disorders. I just know that facing DID head on and
recovering from it is a daunting, make-you-feel-crazy-at-times process, and
that process has been made much more bearable by my having friends that also
have DID (online and in my own community). Priceless are the words, “Me, too.”
I also really appreciate having
friends that do not have DID or trauma histories, yet they are aware of mine
(to some degree). None of my friends know I have DID. However, there are some
that know I have a trauma history I am working through and that I also struggle
with Major Depression. Those friends have been amazing to me. They have been a
great support, and I have two in particular that really “stood up to the plate”
when I had to go to an out of state inpatient trauma program for three weeks.
What helps me the most is that these friends that know don’t treat me ANY
different, don’t think ANY less of me. In fact, most highly respect my courage
and determination to get well. When I first went to the hospital, where I
initially saw it as a weakness, my friends saw it as a strength. Their
response to me, the feedback I got from them, was positive. They liked very
much that I wasn’t content to just “sit in it.” They have totally supported my
endeavors to “get well.” This sort of response from friends helps beat the
shame I often feel that really doesn’t belong to me. It belongs, of course, to
my abusers.
I know this is not everyone’s
experience. It has not always been mine. When I was in therapy in the early
’90’s, my friends that were not survivors just sort of ditched me when they
found out. It was very sad to me to realize that apparently our friendship was
so superficial. However, over time I made new positive friendships, and things
did get better.
The third kind of friends that I
feel like I really need as well are the kinds of friends that don’t know
ANYTHING about my therapy issues. They don’t know I’m in therapy. They don’t
know I have any psychological issues what-so-ever. With these friends I can
truly escape the demands of the therapeutic process. These friends can be
a great distraction and a powerful release of tension. With these friends I can
really “get away from it all.” I can leave my trauma history behind, which is
what we all hope to do someday. I can play, laugh, etc. and none of them will
look at me seriously and say, “No, really…..how are you doing?” Obviously I
appreciate the friends that know and really want to know how I am, but I
equally appreciate the friends that just take, “Fine. How are you?” as an
answer. It’s freeing to have this escape.
Wherever you are in your stage of
healing, I hope that you find friends to help you on your journey. Our
therapists are wonderfully supportive guides, but we need so much more than
that. We are whole people with a myriad of various needs, and our support
systems should reflect that.
Copyright©
2010 by Lothlorien – All Rights Reserved
Wow! Another great post. Thanks for sharing with us for the blog carnival. I don't really have any IRL friends who know I have parts. There's just my T, my husband, son and twin sister. But, I have a lot of friends who know I have a dissociative disorder. We just don't really go much into what exactly that means. All the friends I've made in botanical illustration know nothing about my trauma and I like it that way. I agree with what you say, but I don't really know how to make any real, live friends who also have dissociative disorders. My T has a small support group, but it's full right now. But, I do appreciate the survivor solidarity I've been able to experience online.
Posted by: marj aka thriver | 06/10/2011 at 06:47 PM
I have one online friend with DID that has become an in real life friend. I also am friends with a coupke of other people with DID that my previous therapist introduced me too. She had multiple DID clients all asking to meet others with DID. it has worked out well.
Posted by: Lothlorien | 06/10/2011 at 08:23 PM