Powerful Thoughts

I was thinking today about something I learned a long time ago, and I thought I would come and share it. It is a Cognitive Behavior kind of thing. When I was teaching in my early 20's, working with children and adolescents who had emotional/behavioral disorders, I went to this training. During the training we learned all kinds of neat things like if you rub the roof of your mouth with your tongue, it releases endorphines in the body that have a calming effect. Now, we weren't going to be very successful convincing adolescents to do this. Can you imagine? Hey, try rubbing your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Nah, that would not go over so well. However, (so long as there are no peanut allergies), if you have a snack time and offer peanut butter crackers, you get the same effect. The guy even showed us a way to use imagery and pressure points to get rid of a headache. I use it to this day. Perhaps I'll share that at the end of my post.

The part I wanted to share was a segment he did to show us how powerful our thoughts can be. He recruited a volunteer from the group to come up and do this experiment with him. The volunteer stood to his left facing the group, and he told her to hold her right arm straight out at her side. He said he was going to try to push her arm down, and her job was to not let him do this. Now, at the same time, he also instructed her to look the other way (not at him) and think certain thoughts while he does this. It was real interesting because at first he had her think positive thoughts by making positive statements about herself in her mind. So, she did this, looking away from him, and he tried to push her arm down, but he couldn't. He commented that she was strong. Then he said, "Let's try this again." However, this time he told her to think negative thoughts by saying negative statements about herself to herself in her head. Again, she stuck her arm out, looked the other way, and commenced thinking. This time he stuck one finger up, then pointed it down to her arm, and easily pushed her arm down with the one finger. We were all amazed, especially the woman who volunteered. He again had her repeat the experiment one more time with the positive thoughts, and again, he could not push her arm down.

The point? Our thoughts are truly powerful! Strong thoughts make strong people. Weak thoughts make weak people. So many of us, as survivors of abuse, carry around the negative messages of our childhood. When they are around they spin through our thoughts.

"You're selfish"                                            "Why can't you be more like ____?"

            "It's all your fault."                                    "You're so stupid!"

                            "You are bad,"                                        "You are such a slob."

Even when the person doesn't really believe these things, thoughts like these weaken them. Many of us, on the other hand, actually believe these things about ourselves. Why? Because as children we learn about who we are through our interactions with key people in our life. We do something, it elicits a response, and that response is feedback to us about who we are, if we are accepted or rejected, likable or unlikable, etc. We, in essence, know nothing of ourselves with out the reflection back from others. So if the key people in our lives reflect back these kinds of messages, we accept them as truth. We have no other truth to compare it to. As we get older and our social network grows broader, thus the feedback we get from others is more plentiful, we may begin to see that we are more than what our primary caregivers say we are. As adolescents we may have had a clear understanding that our parents see us this way, and our friends see us that way, and our teachers see us another way. Now that we have more viewpoints of the self, we can weigh them out and see what we really think of ourselves.

So, say others give us very positive messages, and in the end, we believe our parents think we suck, but others do not, and we conclude that we do not suck. That in fact, we are pretty great. Those negative messages still come around. They still influence our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They still influence our strength. There is a little piece of us that still gives those statements weight, and down we go. Perhaps it is because it is ingrained in us now, conditioned so-to-speak. Perhaps it is because those words came from such important figures in our lives. Whatever the reason, they are still there.

So what in the world can we do with these thoughts. We can't really control our thoughts. Not completely. Thoughts come, thoughts go. Feelings come, feelings go. They just are. What we can do is recognize them. We can be aware of them. If we are aware of them, we can exert some control on the affect they have on us. If we can recognize a negative thought, and remember how a negative thought can "weaken" us, we can change that thought and make ourselves stronger.

Not so easy......especially if we believe the negative thought to be true. Perhaps we should question the validity of the thought. For example, my mother used to tell me I was selfish. "You're so selfish!" Well, let's look at that. What is the evidence that I really am selfish? What examples from my life prove I am selfish? What behaviors have shown selfishness on my part? To be honest, I can probably name a few. Nobody is perfect afterall. Does that mean I am selfish? Well, let's see. What is the evidence that I am not selfish? What examples from my life prove that I am not selfish? What behaviors have shown me to be the opposite of selfish (kind, empathetic, caring, etc.)? Honestly, I can think of many of those. Now, when I look at both sides, clearly for me the unselfish side is larger, therefore, I am not really selfish. My mother may have thought I was selfish, or she may have just said it because she was angry, or whatever, but it is not reflective of the truth.

Sometimes I cannot put aside negative thoughts without going through this process. Other times it is easier, and I can just see it as junk thoughts. But what if, I went through that process and felt like, "Wow, I really am selfish!" This does happen. Of course there are bound to be times like this where a negative thought could be true. Again, nobody is perfect, but I wouldn't accept it as truth unless I went through that reality testing process. Then, you just have to know that people generally don't intend to be "selfish". And typically the thought of being "selfish" is displeasing to us, which means it is something that we wish to change. In this case, there is an opportunity for change. Having looked at the ways in which you have been "selfish" and ways in which you have not been "selfish", a plan for change can be made, and a commitment to the positive solidified.

But mostly I am talking about thoughts that really are not true that cloud our minds, disrupt our emotional state, and make us "weaker" as in the experiment mentioned above. These thoughts drag us down needlessly.

Another trainer I had the pleasure to hear speak on Cognitive Behavior Therapy last year used to speak of the thoughts, feelings, behaviors connection and warn us lightheartedly to "Guard your thoughts!" That phrase has stuck in my mind. Now when I notice negative thoughts running through my mind, I hear her in the back of my mind saying affectionately, "Guard your thoughts!" Then I let them go! Throw them in the proverbial trash. And I look up. (That's important because did you know you change your brain chemistry when your posture changes? Yep! It's true!) As for these negative thoughts it's like George Carlin says in his routine It's Bad for Ya, "It's all bullshit folks, and it's bad for ya!"

This takes mindfulness. This takes practice. This takes perseverance. But you can really change your life when you can manage your thoughts.

Guard your thoughts....

Copyright© 2011 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

 

Comments

[Bee]

This is similar to how they do "muscle testing". I have a doctor that muscle tests me to see what medications my body can handle or what is best for my body at that point in time. It is the only thing that actually works for me and my alters.

That tongue thing you mention in the beginning, my 7th and 8th grade students would totally do that if I told them to! My 4th grade students, however, might not go for it...haha. Thanks for sharing this!

[Ivory]

I loved this! I had forgotten that I had some training for children in which the Dr. discussed a few similar things. I will definately try it!