Lothlórien

Working in the Field

Last week I started actually working in the field of Social Work as an Intern. I am working for an agency that provides assessment, intervention, and support to children with mental health issues and their families. The agency has a number of ways it does this. There are outreach programs, case workers that come to the families' homes to help connect them to needed services, there is outpatient care, a residential care program, an on-site preschool for early intervention, an on-site therapeutic school for grades K-5, an after school program, social work services provided to a local school that specializes in education for children with serious emotional disorders, and there are even in-home intensive treatment options. To say the agency is inclusive is an understatement!

I have been placed in a school that is off site which provides specialized education for children throughout the county that have severe emotional disorders. The school is run by the school district, but the social workers are contracted out through our agency. I work with a social worker there providing support to the students and teachers, providing counseling for the children, facilitating and co-facilitating group therapy with the kids, helping with crisis management, and helping to provide extra training to the staff on issues of mental health and children. 

I absolutely LOVE it! I have actually done this work before. I have many years experience teaching in this type of setting, and I loved every minute of it! It is nice to be placed in an area I feel comfortable and confident in, and one that is near and dear to my heart. I enjoy being on the social work side of things, too.  I actually like that better than being the teacher.

I am also signed up for an extensive training that is being offered through another agency on Trauma and Dissociation (assessment, treatment, children, and adults). I am very excited about that! It starts this Friday and runs one Friday a months for a few months.

I am only taking one class this quarter in addition to my field placement. I hardly have any classes left, so this one was the only one I had left offered this quarter. It is kind of a dull course (Social Work Macro Practice), but the instructor makes it very interesting and doesn't teach the text. She uses real life issues, class discussion etc, so she makes it interesting.

Other than that, not a whole lot is going on with me. I have been teaching my oldest daughter to drive. It has been really fun actually. She is doing well. We had a very nice holiday. Not sure if I mentioned it or not, but I have dropped to one session every 2 weeks in my therapy, and that has been ok. Sometimes I wish I was still going weekly, mostly just for a "pick me up", like a car running out of gas, but I manage quite well, and most times I am glad I only have to go once every two weeks because I am so busy, and I get tired.

Thinking of you all, and hoping that 2012 brings you peace and joy!

Lothlorien

Copyright© 2012 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

Joseph Campbell Quotes

My sister shared this quote with me from a book by Joseph Campbell. It is so descriptive of  entry into the journey of therapy that I just had to share it. So this is a very brief post, with only these quotes included. Something for you to ponder and reflect upon....

"The hero's journey always begins with the call. One way or another, a guide must come to say, 'Look, you're in Sleepy Land. Wake. Come on a trip. There is a whole aspect of your consciousness, your being, that's not been touched. So you're at home here? Well, there's not enough of you there.' And so it starts." ~Joseph Campbell

And I love this one, too.

“You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Copyright© 2011 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

Social Work Acadamia

Courses Completed

Human Development and the Social Environment I and II

Social Policy I and II

Research Methods in Social Work

Data Analysis Design

Ethnic and Cultural Diversity

Practice and the Profession I

Seminar on Addiction

Next Quarter

Psychopathology and Deviance

Institutional & Organizational Behavior

Evaluation

Human Sexuality

_________________________________________________

Second quarter complete!!! Wow! It all goes so fast. Today was my last exam. Data Analysis....A class I thought I would hate that I turned out to love and will miss. I have a 107/A average in that class! Who would have "thunk it?" Of course we'll have to see how that exam went, but really....like I can mess that up if I have a 107 going into the exam. I really, really liked analyzing data. Now, I don't think I would enjoy carrying out all the tests, surveys, etc., but I love working on Excel and seeing how things all come out. :) Now I also thoroughly enjoy reading research. All those numbers mean so much more. Recently I read an article by Dr. Colin Ross about the relationship between dissociation and Borderline Personality Disorder. It's more involved than that, but the point was one of his stats showed support for his hypothesis with a p-value of something like 0.00000000001111. (I'm guessing; I don't remember, but it was something amazing like that.) Well, for most people that is like, "OK, whatever.", but that is AMAZING! The lower the p-value the more likely that the results obtained in the sample are also present in the general population. Generally, 0.05 is great. A p-value of 0.01 means the researcher is 99% confident that the results found in the study could be representative of the general population. Imagine what something like 0.000000001111 is!

OK, I'll shut up about the stats. Suffice to say, I enjoyed it.

Addiction class was ok. It started out as my favorite, but as it went on, I learned something about myself. I will be able to work with people with addiction issues in the mix of other clients, and I will do well. However, I am NO addictions counselor, meaning I do not see me working primarily in the field of addiction. It's not for me.

I learned a great deal this quarter in Social Policy II. I finally understand what they are talking about on TV when they discuss policies. I now understand political jargon, which is a huge step for this 41 year old woman who made a D in Political Science in undergrad. many, many eons ago. I have affectionately called myself "politically clueless" because in the past, when people talked politics, I heard the teacher from the Peanuts Gang. "Wah-wah-wah-wah." Now, I uunderstand, and lo and behold, I'm interested. Funny how that happens.

I will thoroughly enjoy my week and a half off. This week the sun is supposed to be out, the sky blue, and warmer temperatures. It has been a long, frozen tundra of a winter here in the midwest. This week my kids are still in school, so I have the next couple of days to myself. Then next week, the kids have off, and we will be doing some fun stuff, and some continued relaxation for Mommy.

Next quarter I am taking an elective on Human Sexuality. I went back and forth about whether I wanted to take that or not, but curiosity has killed the cat, and I'm taking it. Over the past several months I have increasingly become more interested in sex, more curious,etc. Mostly I have been curious. I wonder about it. What is it supposed to be like? What am I missing? And suddenly I want some of that sexual joy for myself. As I told my therapist today, I have never been able to be "curious". Sex was just dropped painfully on my doorstep, and where I had control, I avoided it like the plague! Now it's like this young part of me is coming out and wanting to know, having questions she wants answered. Really she wants someone to tell her about sex. Like a "normal" person tells their child/preteen/teen about sex, but who's going to sit down and have a "talk" with a 41 year old whose questions match that of an 11 year old? I also imagine it opening many doors to meaningful disscussion in therapy. I think I will learn and grow a lot from this class both personally and professionally. Wish me luck!

Copyright© 2011 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

 

 

Back to School!

The holidays are over, and it's time for back to school! For those of you who have been following my posts on my sweet Lady dog, she is doing excellent! She is back to her normal self. She had a check up today and her bloodwork looks good. She will just have to finish her antibiotics and she will be done. :)

I SOOO needed the month long break I got from school, but I am ready to go back now. This quarter I am taking Human Dev't II, Social Policy II, Data Analysis (yuck!), and an elective on Addiction. I'm really excited about the addiction class! When I was an undergraduate (many years ago), I was originally a Psychology major, and I did an internship at a detox center in Charlotte, NC. I LOVED it!!!! I enjoyed working with the clients and staff there. I also really liked learning about addiction. Though I have never dealt with addiction personally (besides nicotine addiction), growing up I had many friends who struggled with this and I was also immersed in a life with it as my father is an alcoholic. Needless to say, I can identify in some ways, and obviously not in other ways.

I had hoped that during my break from school that I could blog more and read others' blogs, but that didn't happen due to the pet medical issues I had. I'm going to try to catch up some this week before the quarter really gets going. I have some ideas for posts, so some more should be coming soon.

I hope you all had a good holiday, and I wish you all a happy new year!

~Lothlorien

Copyright© 2011 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

2010: A Tough Year

Well, I thought that during my break I would have lots of time to write and catch up with blog reading, but that has not been the case. Last Friday we had to put our beloved cat, Sassy, to sleep. She was 16 years old (80 in cat years). She had been losing a lot of weight for the past few months, and was going down hill. The vet did numerous tests and found nothing wrong over and over again, until the final test revealed she had Feline Intestinal Lymphoma. There was nothing we could do really, but we kept her around so long as she was seeming pleasant and content. Her last days she spent mostly in the master bed snuggled in our bed. We had her food and kitty box in there, so she wouldn't have to go down stairs. She was overall happy just being around us and purred a lot as she snuggled with her family. Then last Friday morning, we woke up to find her minimally responsive. She was leaving us. It was hard to let her go. I was there with her, and she passed away peacefully in my arms. I miss her soft fur and the sweet smell she had. It was really hard on the whole family. I got her a couple of months before my husband and I met. She had been with us for a very long time, and she was such a sweet cat.

The next day I had to take my dog, Lady, to the vet. She had spent the whole day before Sassy died throwing up which I didn't think was unusual. She is only 4 years old and still gets into stuff, or else the kids feed her too much junk. I just figured that's what it was. The day Sassy died, Lady was pitiful which didn't surprise me either because of course she would be pathetic the day after throwing up. However, when the next day came, and she still wasn't her perking, tail-wagging self, I knew something was not right. To the vet I go, and it turns out she had gotten in the garbage and swallowed a 2 foot long peice of plastic wrap, and it was blocking her intestines. They took her right off to surgery. My baby--- Her intestines didn't look good. They were darkened, but the doctor felt they were just bruised, so they patched her up and put her on lots of medications. She stayed at the vet until Wednesday (about 5 days). Wednesday she was fine, but Thursday she was not, so back to the vet we go, and it turns out that the affected intestines (some 8") had died off, her incision opened up, and her intestinal contents spilled into her abdomen causing mass infection. They whisked her off to surgery AGAIN. The infection was so bad that they have given her a 50/50 chance of survival. I wanted to faint! I lost my mother in October, my cat the week before, and I feel like if I lose my dog too, I will totally come unglued. So far, she is doing well. It is still touch and go, but the doctor says things are moving in the right direction. Her chances of survival are the same, but the doctor said he is "cautiously optimistic." We could use all the prayer in the world right now for our little baby.

Christmas was good, but it was tapered with some sadness and loss as my mother, and cat are no longer with us, and Lady is in the hospital. I really hope Lady pulls out of this and that 2011 brings with it a much better year for me.

~Lothlorien

Copyright© 2010 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

My First Award!!!

A great big thank you to PsychologyDegree.net for presenting me with my first blog award! That made my day! Thank you so much!

~Lothlorien

Important New Reasearch on DID

As you may or may not know, not all therapists believe in the existence of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Despite the research that is out there, despite the numerous case studies, and the fact that it has been determined to be a legitimate disorder by virtue of its inclusion in the DSM-IV-TR, many therapists still reject it. Some claim that it's prevelence is due to "over zealous" practitioners and that cases are iotrgenically created in individuals through suggestion by their therapist. These therapists think it is not an authentic condition and that to purposely treat it is to facilitate the belief that it is real and do harm to the client.

My personal opinion is that those who discount it do so because they do not understand it, nor do they seem to totally grasp the concept of dissociation itself. I have been pleased to find out that there is a study in the making that is designed to test the idea that accurately diagnosing DID and actively treating it leads to client improvement. The study is being led by a psychologist with Towsend Univeristy and is known as the Treatment of Patients with Dissociative Disorders (TOPDD) Study. The team has gathered 290 therapists from around the world and their clients to participate in this study making it the largest study in Dissociative Disorders to date.A preliminary study was done which found that:

"6 and 18 month follow-up data indicate that patients show fewer symptoms of depression, dissociation, and PTSD, as well as lower levels of general distress, fewer suicide attempts and less self-injurious behaviors than at baseline. Additionally, therapists rate patients as having higher adaptive functioning at follow up compared to baseline."

The TOPDD Study is planning to expand these findings by continuing the research for the next two years. These findings could dispel many myths. If the studies continue to show improvements then it validates the diagnosis itself as well as treating it specifically. If you would like more information about this study, you can visit their website at TOPDD Study.

Copyright© 2010 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

 

Managing: An Update

It has been a long time since I have written or followed any blogs. I have missed it, but I have been preoccupied with so much.

My mother passed away about three weeks ago. That has been difficult. I still feel numb at times. It all happened so fast. She was diagnosed with cancer and gone in 8 months. I feel like someone just went "POOF!" and she was gone! During the months of her battle, time seemed to tick by so slowly as if the world was rotating in slow motion. It is only in hindsight that it feels so fast. It's just sort of, "Here today; gone tomorrow!" I'm still kind of in shock. At times it still feels sureal. The death of a parent is just hard to grasp I guess. 

The funeral was really nice, and it was one of the first times I was really able to get in touch with my feelings and cry. I had to continually remind myself that it was ok to cry, lest my body go on autopilot and shut the tears down as is so typical for me in my dissociative experiences. I didn't want to shut down. I wanted to feel my feelings. It was weird because it felt like all the different parts of me were huddled together in tears. It was a nice experience actually. There were many friends and family members there, and I felt very cared for that day. I would say that overall, even though it was a sad moment, it was a beautiful day.

My sister and I are still working out details of her estate and will be for quite some time. It complicates things that we live on different sides of the states from each other. I will be doing some traveling back and forth over the next few months.

I started my master's program in Social Work. I have really enjoyed it! The classes are great, and I have been meeting new friends. It has been really hard though given that my mother died during this time. I missed a whole week of classes and spent a lot of time playing catch up. I had signed up to be full time which means I have 5 classes. That has really been too much given the circumstances, so last week I dropped to the part time 3 year program. I kept all of my current classes because I have already put so much into them, but will have a reduced load from next quarter on. It also means that I will not start my field placement until next year, which is totally fine for me. I really wasn't up to working two full time days in the field on top of all those classes. Especially considering I will spend most of this year traveling to be with my sister helping to settle my mom's things.

Therapy has been going really well. Things have gotten really deep there, and I would say we are getting at the heart of a lot of things. Funny how the death of a parent brings up so much material to work with. It has gotten a little weird sitting in session since I started the MSW program because I now notice all the skills my therapist uses, and I can't help it sometimes but get a bit wigged out that she's doing that. It's hard to explain.... I am in a class where we are learning all these skills, and we have to practice them on each other in class. Then to go to my own session and pick up on lead-in responses, reflections of feeling, reflections of content, and now when my therapist says, "I'm wondering if....." I hear that differently. I know what she is doing. It's kind of wierd, but usually the weirdness only lasts the first few minutes, and then I'm able to get past it and don't really notice anymore. It's just kind of funny. I wonder sometimes how this affects my therapy. I know some of my readers are therapists who are seeing their own therapist. Do you experience this too at times? Or is it just because I'm learning right now?

Mostly in therapy I am working on being true to myself, my emotions, etc. I am working on being authentic with myself. That sounds weird, but honestly, I live a life of denial a lot. Hence----DID. LOL Seriously though, I am so tired of not feeling and not being able to express my emotions. I am tired of not feeling real. I feel like I have lived my life in a coccoon and I'm ready to come out now. Sure, I have let myself out a little here and there, but I want to come out and stay out. SO SO SO hard to do, though, when you're body has these automatic responses to dissociate. It's not like I lose time or anything these days. I haven't been like that in a LONG time, but I have these "brown outs" I guess you could say. Or I have periods of time where I can only see one aspect of myself. It is SO hard to explain. I am just tired of it, and I want to live, feel, breathe, express ALL in the moment. (Like a real person......) Funny I should say that. Like I'm "not real", but that is how I feel sometimes.

So, that's what's up with me. Unfortunately I don't foresee a lot of posting by me given the amount of schoolwork I am taking, but I will try to post when I can, and I will try to read others' blogs when I can. Know that I do think of you all. I haven't forgotten, or stopped caring, or left, or otherwise meant to ditch you. Just very, very busy right now.

Take care....

Copyright© 2010 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

Remembrance

I have not been online for a long time because my mother has been battling lung cancer. The past two months were very difficult for her and quite a struggle. I do not live in the same part of the country as she does, so I have spent much time traveling back and forth to be with her and be with my own immediate family.

Last week she took a final turn for the worse and I made the trip to spend her finals days by her side. This morning she passed away.

I lost my mother....

I'm sort of still in shock. In someways it feels like she had a long battle with cancer, but in actuality, it was only eight months. In some ways it seems like it all happened so fast....like  just yesterday she was diagnosed and --boom-- she's gone. Like I said, I have felt sort of in shock the past couple of months, and today it all seems surreal.

She's really gone..... (????)

Really?

Yes, she's really gone.

I did not have a very good mother/daughter relationship with her. You know when people die, they speak of how "wonderful" they were? Well, my relationship with my mom was strained. I won't get into all that because it seems inappropriate to do so at this time and, honestly, insignificant at this point, but suffice to say that I, like many of my readers, grew up in a dysfunctional family of which she was a part of. That being said, we did share some good times.

I will miss her humor. She had a wonderful sense of humor! When she was "ok", she could be very expressive. She expressed herself a lot with facial expressions and hand motions, which I will miss. She had little sayings I will miss. I could usually make her laugh, and I will miss that. She had a catchy laugh. If I could get her laughing, I would be laughing too. I will miss just calling her and knowing she's there. I will miss being able to go shopping, out to lunch, etc.

I will miss my mom....

It hasn't totally hit me yet, but I know I will miss her.

She did the best she could, and she did love me.

She hurt me emotionally as a child, and many times I thought I hated her, but.....I loved her. It was because I loved her that I "hated" her. I always wanted more of her than she could give me, and that was behind much of the bad feelings. I wanted a typical mother/daughter relationship. It just never was. However, the fact that I wanted it, tells me I loved her. I wanted to be close.

Over the last several months much resolution has been made to my relationship with my mother. In that way, her diagnosis was a blessing. My mother shared more of her self and her feelings in those months than she ever did my entire life, and I reciprocated. I am glad we had that time together to do that.

__________________________________________________________________

Momma,

I love you. I will miss you dearly. You will always be with me in spirit.

Go now, in peace. Experience Heaven and all it has to offer.

I love you,

Me

 

~Lothlorien 

Copyright© 2010 by Lothlorien– All Rights Reserved

Cool Writing Analysis

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I found this on another blog and thought it would be cool to find out my writing style. To find out your writing style, go to the site and copy/paste several paragraphs of text from one writing you've done. I did mine with a narrative. now I'm going to go back and see what shows up for me when I choose informational text I've written.

Here's that one:

I write like
Edgar Allan Poe

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Wow! Interesting.... Edgar Allan Poe?? C'mon.....really? Yeah.

Copyright© 2010 by Lothlorien – All Rights Reserved

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